The backlash was intense and all consuming. My decision to speak out about the multi-generational cycle of abuse in my family was not without consequence. But I knew that I had to protect my own children from becoming the next victim, and/or perpetrator, of sexual abuse – so I started writing, and I started talking. In the end, it was just my children and I but they are healthy and happy. For years the pain and confusion stemming from my family’s rejection of me sent me spinning. I couldn’t understand why they stood by and protected my older brother and abuser, and did everything that they could to silence and undermine me. Time and experience taught me the truths that I needed to understand their behavior.
The truth is that the only person I can control, is me. We can beg and plead for our families to open their hearts…
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April 28, 2017 at 9:10 pm
For what it’s worth, I think you attitude is perfect on this matter – you are the only one you can control.
There is sexual abuse that has occurred in my family, as well, and it sucks for anyone that is a victim. I am a victim of sexual abuse, but not by a family member. The family member that is a pig is my late great grand father. When I discovered what he had done (and I don’t know details) to my mom, a couple of her sisters and ultimately my cousin (It absolutely destroyed her and she is barely making a recovery), I refused to go to his funeral. My mom couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t honor my grandmother’s “Dad” and I couldn’t understand how she could honor him. My mom has, since, convinced herself I “just have a tough time with death”. Puh-leaze…I’m thankful the skeezy bastard isn’t hurting anyone and I’m quite sure he is rotting in hell; but my mom is comforted thinking I just can’t handle death.
Because of that and other people’s families, I have convinced myself that people just can’t accept a family member could do something atrocious, so they divert their attention and live in a constant state of denial – it’s like the somehow think that they are tied to the ugliness because they share blood. Hopefully, people like this can eventually accept that evil exists – and sometimes in the midst of our own families.
Just my opinion and I hope I’m not triggering in any way…
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