Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Narcissist Survivor and Advocate
January 4, 2017 at 11:45 am
This has been achieved by the N/Sociopath? Undiagnosed to me on a regular and systematic system designed by him to fatigue my body in order that I should get fuzzy and forgetful, but he did not count on the fact that my body has been conditioned unfairly to this state of being and I have not lost myself in the battle to remain consistent in my efforts to stand up to him.
I shall give a real life example of today for the validation purposes to reinforce to victims that they are not alone or defined by their abusers. Today he arrived home and said hello to our son, ignoring me as per usual. When I spoke, he pretends not to hear me, so I have learned to not hear him the very next time he should command attention by speaking. His face grows more red to purple in every attempt that fails to hijack me. When I ignore what he says, he pesters our son with his impulse to let out what he is thinking randomly. Our son has become like a robot, a personal object to give him supply and agree with all that he says, does, acts and including his vile tantrums. He garnishes support that way and it reinforces that he is right no matter what and that therefore makes me wrong in all that I say, do or question.
Further in to the day, I was exhausted also due to the virus that has triggered serious asthma and bronchitis. I went to lay down but obviously could not sleep as he turned the tv up louder and chit chatted taking the platform with our agreeable son. He commands attention in all that he says, does and has no empathy whatsoever and my asthma is not responding to treatment, due to his yelling and addiction to remain in control over me at all times in all that he does. I was coughing so much last night, that he yelled at me to die using obscene language as per usual. I was laying on my bed and he walked in, most unusual as he uses with-holding and usually retreats to his spare room that he has virtually set up and it reminds me of a child’s room with the barest essentials and is the only room that from my perspective that replicates his life as a child. In fact another door slam has just occurred because I would not agree with him that I imagined a scene that caused a great rift and the turning point of no trust toward him. He screams at me that I should not speak of the past yet blames me for what he did and gaslights, constantly. He walked into my room and pulled my legs open and I flexed my muscles to stop him and his mood was playful out of the blue another complete staged setup. After being such a pig verbally, he must have known I would act that way so guess who got the blame because he pulled his shoulder trying to force my legs open! He came out and yelled that I have hurt his shoulder to our son. I had come out of the room as he attempted to pester me in that fashion, and defended myself yet again. I said, who hurt your shoulder? He said, you did it, you hurt my shoulder! I said, how did I hurt your shoulder? He did not answer. Then he said, you hurt my shoulder because you would not open your legs! I reaffirmed my position and stated, “you came into my room and acted like a sixteen year old idiot and but not for your stupid act, you would not have hurt your shoulder.” That has triggered him to continue his nastiness throughout the evening. I cooked dinner and told them they are big enough to help themselves and serve it up for themselves.
He had moments so black and white as per usual and changed every minute from luke warm to ice cold, from speaking and contradicting himself and clearly denies what he says, just a minute before and gets all uptight and rebellious then comes the profanity. Here was the most outstanding statement this evening from my perspective. He stated, he was getting old and people his age don’t act like me and as he was stating how age has caught up with him in one breath, his next breath was reinforcing his age by telling me I am a f*wit and I don’t F*kn know anything and that I am a stupid F*kn idiot and that i should grow up. I was pulled in by that and said, “your actions do not match your words, you are not acting like people of your age and people of your age don’t speak like punks to their wives and you blame me because you say, how could anyone have a normal relationship with me!”
He retreated to his private domain, not a thank you or comment about the meal and he has really upped his gross level of remaining so difficult and defiant. When I stated the last statement, he turned around and said, “who gives a F.” The day has been draining once again with his obnoxious and proudly defiant stance. He will sleep like a baby, I will not sleep until mid morning if I get to sleep , that remains to be seen.
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Raising Awareness To Domestic Abuse In The Church
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